Kyunki Rub ne bana di ye jodi

Yesterday evening was a fateful day when my people at home decided to avail of an offer at Fame Adlabs Andheri. The offer, buy one ticket – get one free. Since it was so tempting they also roped in my cousin and aunt.

 

The movie = Rab ne bana de jodi.

 

I was informed of this merry little arrangement when I was in my Prabhadvi office making a presentation along with my boss, his boss to the CEO of our company. The timing of the sms directly put me on destiny’s path with the movie as I was unable to exercise any veto power sitting where I was. For a change I decided to tag along and watch how destiny works.

 

A 2 hour drive later from Prabhadevi to Andheri I reached the fame adlabs theater at Citimall at 9:00 pm with a few minutes to go for the intermission. I later learn that I had missed the best part of the movie.

 

Fame Adlabs is one of those early pioneers  of the new generation  theatres since the Mall revolution started in India. I have watched several movies but this experience was going to be different.

 

To begin with, I landed in my seat which was just adjacent to the aisle stairs, doing a somersault  as the theater did not  pioneer  any pale, dull lights on the staircase to lead the way in the dark. A lot of people in the row directly in front of mine did not take my somersault too kindly and I noticed that throughout the rest of the movie, they were making quick shifty glances towards us to keep watch on any other interesting actions I might make. I am not sure how keeping the watch was going to help them in case I decided  to yank out some undesirable weapon from my bag and go amock in the theater.

 

All through Eesha sat on my left and Vini on my right and the passing of Popcorn, biscuits and water ensured that i was covered in a layer of biscuit crumbs, pop corn leftovers, salt and the water drops made it in to a fine paste, which made me feel sticky and cold. Fame adlabs  had also done some pioneering work to make  those seats make me feel like I was sitting in one of those tall bar chairs rather than a theater chair.

 

Worse my legs didn’t fit, giving one more reason to the guy in front of me to make quick angry glances behind every time I decided to try and get a bit more comfortable. Trying to make myself comfortable by moving my right knee ensured very fast, sharp, merciless, ruthless,  painful and repeated jabs of vini’s left elbow in my right side ribs. Trying the same with left  knee, gave instant howls and rants from Eesha at being suddenly put through a lot of discomfort from the guy who she currently loves the most in this big, bad world !!

 

The only thing I could move without invoking quick reactions was to look upwards. But then Rub was not being too kind himself in the current context that I was in…

 

The movie story was not much from where I saw it and I guess it was downhill all the way in to hamsville. I fought very hard to keep my sanity alive in the situation I found myself in, at the end of a long day; but the hamming  continued, so did the popcorn passing and pepsi slurping. The story line, direction and editing of the movie inspired me to remember Shakespeare’s famous line “This was the most unkindest cut of all”

 

I felt like a potato guy  with his head down stuck halfway down a  sewer hole could  call for help only if he had not put his  torch in his mouth to lead the way.

 

My mind devised some ingenious games  to kill time.

 

One was to count the number of times the word “rub” was spoken in the movie. I found I was slow to catch up to that after 15,793. The word was coming in faster than I could count and so I gave that one up.

 

I began a game where you make short rhyming sentences to match the movie theme. Out of the countless, the ones I remember yet are

1. Rub ne kyu bani di ye jodi ?

2. Rub Rub kar chamkao surf se apne socks ki jodi

3. A rub in time saves thine jodi

4. Ye rub ki jodi hai – tutegee nahi

5. Oye Rubbbbbbbbbaaa !! (This one came when I thought a second intermission was due)

6. Rub kaisi ye 1+1 ki jodi 😦

7. dil diya hai, jaan bhi denge, jitni bhi rub ye jodi karti rahe sitam

8. Shahrukh Rub Rub karne laga, oh mera jiyara darne laga !!

9. Rub Rub the popcorn off ur pants !!

10. Oye Rub di jodi di  B*#%^&*    (censored !)

 

The rest are not too interesting as I continued to rub my eyes in amazement to know where the movie was going. It was so amazing that that Shahrukh with his cuckly voice, big nose and stereotypical facial expressions could pass as two different people with just a mustache difference.

 

I fell so much in love with the central message and moral of the movie which goes something like this.

 

Be an unimaginative boring guy called Surender Sahni from Amritsar and live a thoroughly “rubbed” (no pun intended)  text book life –  straight  from home to Punjab power. With time, a hot bomb shell called “life” will marry you, see her life’s dreams, imagination, expectations shatter. And with time get tamed to align with Mr. Suri’s only sex appeal – the emotional cry of a  defeated, helpless, unimaginative, broken hearted but mustached  guy who realizes too late  that life is worth so much  more, but refuses to change.

 

And then they all lived happily ever after, Kyunki Rub ne jo bani de hai ye jodi !!